Fatalize
by Genis Aurion
Summary: ...was not a real word, Kyle had to keep reminding him. But somehow, that word just seemed to fit. KK, slash, updates once a month.
1. The Green Tunnel

**Fatalize  
**_Genis Aurion_

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**Part I:** Abstractions  
**Chapter 1:** _The Green Tunnel_

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"Kyle Broflovski, you best come back here this instant!" The bystanders of that small town watched as a rather plump woman hobbled out of her doorway and peered out at the streets before her house. _What a woman_, they probably thought, _she can't even keep watch of her own kid!_—but of course, they wouldn't dare make such a brash comment to her face, as not only was she the voice of the town but was also quite dangerous amidst wrath. They simply did not want to interfere with her affairs, and so instead of stopping the woman's son as he passed their houses, they turned to it a blind eye and returned to their menial lives.

Incidentally enough, the woman never chased after him herself; the townspeople always reasoned that her weight hindered her from doing so, even if she wanted to. But of course, Sheila Broflovski herself knew her own reasons; he would come back eventually. Her house was his home, his shelter, his provider of life—and there was no way he'd simply throw that away so easily.

_Though_, she thought to herself, watching her son's figure disappear down the street, _I do worry about him whenever he's like this… but maybe I'll just send Gerald after him later_.

The boy, Kyle, always found himself out of breath before long anyway. In his fit of rage he'd storm out of the house, vowing to run away and abandon all of his problems—but he never quite had the energy to carry out his plans. He'd always run just short of a mile, passing many of his classmates' houses and down to the end of the road, all before coming to a stop. The first time he'd been angry like this, he merely turned tail and slowly walked his way back home, fuming at his lack of potency and preparing himself for the lecture he would soon receive from his mother.

It hadn't been until the second or third time that Kyle did not return home immediately. Instead, having that time made it off the streets and onto the local park, he had stumbled onto a small clearing amongst the trees in which he had deemed his own little getaway: the Green Tunnel, he called it. And a just name, too, for it really was just that: a narrow passage between the trees, burying through a wall of green leaves. It was like a world away from the world to him, and it was a place Kyle could rely on when he wanted to be alone or rid of the burdens the world threw at him. And as far as he knew, he was the only one aware of the Tunnel.

That was where the nine-year-old Kyle was headed for this time, too. By now he'd conditioned himself to make the distance, allowing himself to catch his breath and take a rest once he was in the refuge of his hideout. And so, after making a weak effort to check his surroundings to make sure no one was watching, Kyle drove straight into the Tunnel, all before collapsing onto the ground.

Except this time, though not immediately known to him, Kyle was not alone, for while he dispensed his tears onto the soft grass that lay there yet another boy merely watched, hugging his legs to his body. The visitor, a blonde haired boy by the name of Kenny McKormick, was a classmate of Kyle's, and also somewhat of a friend, too. It was indeed odd to see someone he knew barge into a secluded area to seemingly attempt to pull his hair out, but there was something in him that told him there was a reason for it, and so instead of stopping his friend he merely let Kyle continue his release.

Of course, Kyle's initial reaction to Kenny's presence had been somewhat distasteful for the blonde, especially since not only was Kyle still in a shaken state, but he was also in disbelief that someone else had noticed a place such as this… let alone someone he knew. Still, even after the rather vulgar obscenities thrown at him, Kenny did his best to remain calm.

"Ho-how long have you b-been there?" managed Kyle after some time, eyes wide and fearful.

"Been here before you have."

"Shit." Kenny watched as Kyle continued to throw his fit, unsure whether he should try and stop or simply observe in amusement. After all, it wasn't often that he got to see the smartest kid in his class break down (or at least, arguably the smartest, as while most of the guys thought Kyle was the smartest, many of the girls had their votes on Wendy). But maybe it was the fact that the sight was so odd in itself that Kenny found himself drawn into consoling him, though perhaps when Kyle had settled down some more.

"You didn't see any of this," Kyle said loudly, looking around. "You never met me here, this didn't happen!"

"Fine," Kenny replied, "I didn't see any of it. But before I convince myself that my eyes are just deceiving me, wanna talk about it?"

"No!" was the simple reply. "And please don't talk about this with anyone else—especially Cartman. Don't you dare tell Cartman, please…?"

"Nah, I won't, that's why I'm asking if you wanna talk about it when there's no one around. But of course, keep up that volume level and people just might find out you're here."

"Oh…." Then, with a much quieter tone: "I guess you're right, sorry."

"It's all right," Kenny replied. "But I won't tell anyone, I promise, even Cartman. It's not like I really like him much anyway."

"Really? But you hang out with him and stuff…."

Kenny raised an eyebrow. "So do you… does that mean you like Cartman?"

Kyle shook his head furiously. "No… I guess not. Sorry."

"Stop apologizing, dude. So anyway, talk to me. What's been bothering you?"

"I never said I was going to tell you anything!" Kyle exclaimed suddenly, standing up abruptly. And for some reason, it only then occurred to him how rude that must have been, and he soon found himself apologizing. "I-I mean… I don't really wanna talk about it," he rephrased. "That's all."

"You're red in the face," Kenny replied, though needless to say the embarrassment resulting from the statement didn't help Kyle any. "But I guess I could live with that. Maybe later I'll get you to tell me."

"Maybe," Kyle said quietly to himself. "So I'll see you around, then."

"Yeah, see you." Kyle gave one last sigh before heading out of the Tunnel, wiping his eyes and fixing his posture as he left. Kenny remained seated on the grass, biting his lip as he watched his friend leave, and it was only until Kyle was truly gone when Kenny leaned backwards to the ground and allowed the shade of the trees overheard to cause him sleep.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The scene at school was indeed much different than the scene within the Green Tunnel. Kenny was no different—or at least, the boy himself argued—and he was his usual self both around his friends and the ladies. But Kyle, oh Kyle, was indeed a different person, and it didn't take a genius to note such a thing. For instance, he wasn't moping around the school, but was instead the average kid who seemed to be all right. Of course, Kenny knew better, but even he had to admit that with the way he acted there was no way anyone could suspect him of being emotionally unstable. Even Stan Marsh, Kyle's best friend, didn't seem to notice anything, though Kenny did wonder if that frustrated Kyle any.

Of course, being around Kyle at school had become awkward from that point on, especially when they had made eye contact. Somehow, whenever that happened, it felt as if the realization sunk in with Kyle, that there was someone who actually knew what he was hiding. And perhaps it set him off guard, because every time they saw each other Kyle cringed and looked the other way. In a way it made Kenny feel bad, but at the time there really wasn't anything he could do about it; after all, it "never happened."

But the interesting part of it all was one day in the cafeteria, when Cartman had been particularly harsh on Kyle's character. He'd been going off on another tangent about how the Jews had killed Jesus, and it was pretty easy to see that it made Kyle boiling angry. And for some reason, seeing Kyle not do anything to stop him was enough for Kenny to step in.

"That's enough, Cartman."

"Oy, Kenneh, what the hell man? Why are you defending the Jew?"

"No one wants to hear your shit," Kenny replied simply, giving a shrug. "If you don't have anything new to say, don't say anything at all. God knows how many of us need to hear your god-awful self more than once."

"Shut up, Kenneh, don't be hating just because you're goddamn poor!"

And then, much to Kenny's surprise, Kyle stepped in. "Don't hate on Kenny because of that!" Kyle roared. "He might not have as much money as you, but he's at least living a much better life than your fat ass is!"

"Kyle…" Kenny and Stan seemed to both mutter at the same time, looking at him as if Kyle had just achieved something quite impossible.

Cartman, on the other hand, was furious. "_Fine_, you guys suck. _Screw_ you guys, I'm going home."  
And then he left.

"You think he really went home?" Stan asked aloud, though no one at that table seemed to hear him.

"You didn't have to…" Kenny muttered, but Kyle merely shrugged.

"You helped me. I figured it was only fair."

"So that's it?" Kenny said with a grin; "so if I didn't say anything you wouldn't have defended me?"

"If you didn't say anything the subject would never have gone over to you," Kyle reminded him, smiling.

"Oh… true." A pause. "But say if he were insulting me, would you have stepped in?"

Kyle shrugged. "Maybe." And for some reason that had caused the two of them to erupt in laughter. Poor Stan, who was still quite confused as to what the hell was going on, didn't quite understand why the two were laughing after both having just been insulted by the Cartman. Yet still, perhaps it was for that reason that they were laughing, that in light of the negativity laughing was the only way to reset that balance….

"You and your damn maybes," Kenny said quietly, and Kyle only grinned.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Kyle had gotten only nine out of eleven on a vocabulary test, he found himself retreating to the Tunnel once more. It was perhaps more out of shame than frustration—a _vocabulary_ test, of all tests to fail at!—though it was indeed enough to make him angry at the world again. Still… more than half the class had gotten a better score than he had! How embarrassing!

It didn't quite shock Kyle as much to see Kenny there this time, though his presence wasn't exactly something he really needed. _Even Kenny beat me on that vocabulary test!_ Kyle thought to himself, and with much distaste he sank to the grass and mumbled quietly to himself.

However, it seemed Kenny didn't want to just let it go, and before Kyle could really have the chance to block the world out and reflect on his own the blonde began his verbal assaults.

"Here again, are we?"

"Shut up, Kenny."

"Come on, don't call me Kenny, we're close buds aren't we? Don't close friends have nicknames for each other?—call me Ken or something."

"…just be thankful I'm not calling you Kenneth or something."

"…fine, I'd rather Kenny. Can I call you Ky, then?"

"Doesn't bother me either way, though I don't see the point of abbreviating if it's a short name and one syllable to begin with."

"But it's not abbreviating, it's nicknaming!" Kyle merely shrugged, turning to the ground while hugging his knees to his chest. Kenny sighed, getting up from where he was to move closer to the other boy. He remained standing in front of Kyle for several moments, trying to evoke a response out of him, but when he didn't reply he relented and took his seat.

"Doesn't take a genius to realize you're going through some shit you're not telling anyone about," Kenny said quietly, though seemingly more to the trees around him than to Kyle himself. "Feel like talking about it now?"

"No," Kyle retorted, burying his head. "It'd be nice if you could leave me alone, though."

"How cruel, I'm hurt. Great thing to say to someone who was here first."

"No, _I_ was here first!" Kyle exclaimed. "I found this place first; it was my own little place until _you_ had to show up! Why are _you_ here, anyway?"

"I guess I could say the same thing about you," Kenny replied, giving a shrug. "And I guess if you don't wanna talk about what's going on with you, then I'm not really obligated to say much either. It's only _fair_, isn't it?" Kyle growled, shaking his head. _Was Kenny mocking me_? Kyle thought to himself. But then again it was only fair, wasn't it? But what good would come from telling Kenny his problems? As if he'd be able to do anything….

"Fine," Kyle muttered, "I'm here because I wanted my own little place away from the world. That's why I'm here."

"Cool."

Kyle gaped "_Cool_? That's all you have to say?"

Kenny shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Then I suppose I'm here for the same reason as you… though I presume our reasons for wanting a sanctuary are different."

"Probably." Kenny turned away, smiling; he'd gotten Kyle to loosen up a little. It wasn't much, sure, but it was at least a start. He didn't really know why he was so bothered in prying with Kyle's business, but he didn't really care; it gave him something to do. And maybe that way it would make them better friends, instead of just a friend of a friend whom they both shared.

"You're not gonna get anything else out of me!" Kyle added on a down note. "I… just don't think someone like you would be able to understand."

"Don't judge a book by its cover," Kenny replied, though he was shocked to see Kyle's head rise to this. "…what?"

"Isn't that just… a _little_ cliché?"

"So? It's effective, isn't it?"

"I guess." Kenny sighed as Kyle buried his head into his legs once more, which for some reason triggered laughs on Kenny's part.

"You remind me of a turtle when you do that."

"Do what?"

"That head-burrowing thing, what you're doing now. You're like a turtle hiding from the world."

"Maybe I am," Kyle said simply. "Now that you put it that way…."

"Maybe you are. I wouldn't know since you won't tell me anything."

"Don't think that'll make me tell you anytime soon."

"Is it about Cartman?" Kenny asked, though only guessing—but by the reaction he got Kenny knew he had hit the ball. "Ky… you haven't learned to ignore everything that comes out of Cartman's mouth yet?"

"You make that sound easy," Kyle mumbled, hanging his head. "I dunno, most of the time I can… but he just frustrates me, you know? I mean, take today for instance. I got a fucking nine out of eleven on my vocabulary test—"

"—that's still a B, Ky. I hope you don't consider that failing."

Kyle turned a deep red. "…no, of course not," he lied, though it seemed unconvincing to Kenny. "But anyway, it made me really angry because Cartman got a higher grade than I did."

"I did too…."

"_That's not the point_!" shouted Kyle, though Kenny quickly assured him that he was only kidding and meant nothing by it. "The point is I knew Cartman was going to give me shit about it, saying how he was smarter than a Jew and stuff. But you know, he doesn't!—he waits until after lunch to tell me that my vocabulary test was proof that I took down the World Trade Center buildings, and that tomorrow he was going to make sure everyone knew the atrocity I've caused to America!"

"That's nothing new," said Kenny simply, which didn't seem to settle with Kyle too well.

"You don't see something wrong with that?"

"I do," replied Kenny, "I just think sometimes it's really much better to not take what Cartman says too seriously."

"But…!" Kyle relented. "I… guess so."

"So is why you hide here all the time? Because you want to take out your frustration on Cartman?"

"…not entirely."

"Oh." Kenny chuckled to himself and stood up, which confused Kyle. Why was he laughing?—and was he leaving? "Well I hope you tell me everything one day. I'm not a bad kid, I promise—and I know, I do say a lot of shit sometimes, and I'm just a guy with a very perverted view on life. But I'll listen if you need me, Ky."

"Thanks," Kyle replied, turning red as he hung his head. Why exactly was he being so nice?—and wait, was he actually considering confiding in Kenny? Absurd! The blonde was tricking him into slowly confessing! So much for not saying anything anymore….

"Well then, I'll be off."

"You're leaving?"

Kenny nodded. "Yeah, I have to. My dad's going to want to know where I am, and I'm sure no matter how drunk he might be he should know that elementary kids don't get out of school at…"—he turned to his watch—"five-thirty."

"You haven't been home yet?"

"Wow, all these questions!" Kenny laughed. "Nah, I haven't been home yet. I suppose one day I'll have to tell you, since you were kind enough to tell me stuff."

"It's your own business," Kyle said with a shrug, though he had to admit he was relatively curious about the matter. "If you wanna tell me, go for it."

"All right then," Kenny replied. "Well then… I'll see you at school?"

"Yeah, right."

"See you tomorrow then."

"Bye."

Footsteps, then the rustling of leaves.  
And then silence.

* * *

_TBC_


	2. Discussions

**Fatalize  
**_Genis Aurion_

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**_  
_**Part I:** _Abstractions_  
**Chapter 2:** _Discussions_

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Kyle saw a lot of Kenny in the Tunnel, afterwards. He'd always enter the Tunnel, prepared to let go of the world, only to end up being reminded that his space was now being shared. And of course, every time he entered distressed the blonde would always ask him if he wanted to talk about it, and every time Kyle declined the offer… yet he still managed to tell him something new anyway. It wasn't intentionally, of course—Kenny just had this way of words Kyle couldn't quite place his finger on. He'd just… always twist the conversation subject until he could get something out of him.

Eventually Kyle went there on a daily basis, no longer just when he was upset. It was partially to prevent Kenny from seeing him so angry every time he entered the tunnel (that way, Kyle argued, he wouldn't bother to ask what was wrong), but more importantly Kyle frequented the Tunnel in order to see how often Kenny was in there. And as it turned out, the blonde was in there every day he went, which only frustrated Kyle all the more. Then he had resorted to going at different times of the day, and from that he had learned that Kenny was always in the Tunnel every weekday from after-school until six or so, and pretty much every time of the day during the weekend.

_One day,_ Kyle had thought to himself one time, _one day I'll get him to tell me why he's now here more than I am… if not for the curiosity, then simply to get even_. After all, Kenny had made the offer, hadn't he? And as the ever-so-cliché line dictated (at least, so Kyle thought): "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!"

Naturally then, after letting his realization of not being able to avoid Kenny sink in a little, Kyle began to accept the idea of sharing his world away from the world. He got used to spending time with him, and their conversations slowly shifted from angry small talk to relatively meaningful exchanges on a way, though they were friends initially, spending time with him in that small space had caused Kyle to liken to Kenny a little more, and he'd slowly gained more respect for him.

No longer was Kenny consistently asking about Kyle's 'shit,' either, as Kyle slowly found himself being less frequently angry with the world. Not to say that the infuriating things in his life were occurring less frequently, but rather it seemed Kyle was finding ways to cope with them without being pushed over the limits. And still, though his reasons for actually needing to go to that Tunnel were growing thin, he was still going there anyway… not because he needed to be alone, but because he wanted that time with Kenny.

Their conversations varied drastically per day and were usually rather bizarre. If there was anything bugging either boy at the time, that would be discussed first; of course, in Kyle's case, that usually implied a lot of detours. Then afterwards they'd find something random to talk about, and that usually brought them to the time when Kenny needed to leave. Sometimes Kyle would remain afterwards, especially on those days when he really did need that time alone; sometimes he'd remain simply to reflect on their conversation. But at other times when he was simply there to spend time with Kenny, Kyle even walked part of the way back with Kenny, sometimes even continuing their discussions (which usually made it hard for the two to split ways).

Kyle wasn't really sure when the change in views on Kenny had occurred, for it seemed a very gradual process. He didn't really know what to think of Kenny, either; he was just a friend he liked talking to and being around, and he just happened to be there. And oddly enough they were only seemingly close within that Tunnel; around Stan (and Cartman, whenever applicable), they were essentially two friends who both knew Stan. Not to say that they only wanted to be friends when no one was watching in the Tunnel, but it was just that the atmosphere and the connection between the two didn't seem all that relevant and present when they were in a crowd.

For now, Kenny was just someone convenient who kept offering something higher.  
At least Kyle had high hopes.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I have a question for you," Kyle said one time, almost the instant he walked into the area at the end of the Tunnel.

"I might have an answer."

"Don't get angry at me for asking this or anything like that, but why are you so… perverted? I mean I appreciate the fact that anything I've ever said in here has never been twisted into some sexual innuendo, but at school…."

"To be honest, I can't really say you'll like my answer much."

"It's all right, I'm just curious. It's not like I want you to change your ways or anything."

Kenny shrugged. "I don't know, really. I'm just a kid raised in a household where porn's generally not looked down against. My dad has a stash of it in the Taxes box under the bed, and my mom knows about it and frankly doesn't care. One day Kevin and I were curious and we stole a bunch of it from him, and… well, once you get exposed to it, you're pretty much corrupt. I mean of course, I probably won't fuck a girl if I were truly given the opportunity, even though I keep implying it… but it's a nice feeling to be able to joke around about it. Plus it makes a good icebreaker."

"I… see."

"It doesn't bother you, does it?"

Kyle shook his head furiously. "No, no, not at all! I mean I guess your perverseness is what makes you Kenny. But still, I mean, I'll admit I always thought that you never really took anything or anyone seriously since you were so willing to fire an exploiting comment in someone's direction. But then spending time with you in here… I was proven wrong."

"Never judge a book by its cover, Ky!"

"…don't remind me. Stupid overused clichés…."

"Speak up a little, I can't hear you."

"…no, it's nothing, don't worry about it."

"All right then…. But yeah, I guess you could say my pervertedness—"

"Perverseness," Kyle interrupted. "Pervertedness isn't a word."

"…really, it isn't?"

"Nope."

Kenny laughed to himself. "Well, I guess every now and then you learn something new…." Kenny took another pause to marvel at the new discovery. "Why isn't it a word, anyway?—it makes more sense than _perverseness_!"

"I don't really know," Kyle replied, shrugging. "But anyway, you were saying something?"

"Oh, right, I was saying… ha, I don't remember."

"Seriously?" Kenny nodded. "That's… a little sad."

"I'm sorry… it's been a long day. I'm sure you could agree."

"Yeah, definitely." A slight pause. "Hey, so then you aren't worried at all about people looking down at you as someone with immoral values or anything like that? You know, that you're too young to be thinking things like that, kinda like that."

"Not really," was Kenny's reply. "I mean, like you said, perverseness makes me who I am. I don't think people necessarily look down on me. If they don't then they probably aren't very important to me."

"But I guess if you considered how I looked at you the same way as looking down at you… does that mean I'm not very important to you?"

"I think that's more of a misinterpretation than you trying to be condescending towards me, Ky." Kenny gave a hearty laugh thereafter. "But what's this all of a sudden, all the questions!—I feel like I'm being interviewed!"

Kyle chuckled nervously. "Sorry, Kenny…."

"I don't mind, I'm just saying. But the way you worded that last question, it's almost as if you want me to say that you're important to me, Ky…."

"…well… am I?"

"Of course, we're friends aren't we?" Kenny patted his friend on the back. "Friends are important to each other, aren't they?"

"…I suppose so."

"…though I am surprised, I must say."

"Oh? About what?"

"About just now," Kenny replied. "I mean, you didn't even bother denying the fact that you just wanted me to say you were important to me."

Kyle smirked. "Can't judge a book by its cover, right?"

"…damn you."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"You seem upset, Ky."

"Maybe I am."

"Stop it with you and your maybes…. But anyway, wanna talk about it?"

"You ask me that every time, Kenny, and every time I'm just going to say no."

"…and every time you're going to tell me anyway."

"Shut up, don't remind me." A slight pause. "Not now, maybe later."

"Okay." Another pause, this time caused by Kenny wanting to pluck flowers from the grass. _White_, Kyle noted to himself, staring hard at the flower.

"Now?"

"No."

"Okay… now?"

"…no."

"Fine, fine…. How about—?"

"—not yet!" Kyle exclaimed, shaking his head. "God, Ken, you sound like Ike when you do that, and trust me that's not a nice… _what_?"—for Kenny had now taken to a rather shocked face, jaw hanging well below its normal position, his blue eyes unwavering from their gaze. "Kenny…?"

"I can't believe you just…."

"Kenny?"

"You called me… Ken."

Kyle laughed. "I… I did?—really, that's why you're all—?"

"Yeah, you called me Ken!" Kenny interjected, bursting into laughter as he tackled the other. "I got you to give me a nickname! Man this is brilliant!"

"I… I don't really get it," Kyle said to himself, sighing as he shook his head. But there was no way around it, now; once he let down his guard once, there was no turning back.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

For example:

"Hey Kenny, can I ask you something?"

"_Ken_, not Kenny."

"…Kenny."

"Ken."

"…damnit."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Fine, _Ken_, now can I ask you something?"

"Sure, _Ky_."

"Don't get angry at me for asking this or anything, but—"

"Ky, you said that last time. I won't get angry I promise, now just ask already."

"Do you… do you like dying…?"

"…man, Ky, you really like your questions, don't you?"

Kyle chuckled. "Sorry…."

"It's all right. I mean, I guess you could say I do. I mean that in the most non-suicidal way, of course, but sometimes it's good to know you have an outlet of release available to you when you really can't take it anymore."

"Yeah… I'm sure that's nice."

"…no, it isn't Ky, that's being cowardly. I mean sure sometimes I die by accident, and I guess the world forgets about me for a while and everything with my life is fine."—at this Kyle gulped guiltily—"But when it's done on purpose, that's just as good as suicide… and that is cowardice."

Kyle sighed, shrugging. "Yeah, I guess. Sometimes you manage to say some profound things, you know that Kenny?"

"…_Ken_, you idiot, not Kenny."

"…you sure know how to ruin a compliment, Ken."

"I try."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"…do I _really_ have to call you Ken?"

"Of course, nicknames are a sign of friendship, aren't they?"

"I suppose… _a_ sign, not the only sign."

"I'll leave that for my own interpretation," Kenny said with a smile, which seemed to make Kyle even angrier instead of reconciling with him. "Anyway, what'd you want to ask?"

"Oh, well, I was just wondering why… well, why you're here."

"I could ask the same of you," Kenny replied. "I mean, I asked first, by at least two weeks."

"…so we're gonna play that game?" Kyle said, scratching his chin. "I see… so because you asked first, you want your question answered first?"

"Yep. And if you answer my question I'll tell you why I'm here."

"Really, now…?" Kyle pondered it for a moment, but it really didn't take much convincing. It was a fair code of conduct, and both sides were in agreement. So naturally….

"So do we have a deal?"

Kyle gave it one last thought, and then nodded. "Fine. But you've already guessed most of it anyway. I really don't have to say much."

"So then you're here because of Cartman?"

"…not really, but mostly."

"…I figured that much Kyle, since you just told me what I knew was most of your reason."

"Shut up, you aren't helping!" Kenny merely laughed, leaning back to gaze at the forest canopies above. "It's just there's a lot of shit accumulating, you know? Cartman especially makes going to school hell, and it's not like I have any other option because my parents would beat me to death if I dropped out."

"Really, they'd beat you?"

"No, not really, just figuratively,"—but there was something in Kenny's gaze that made Kyle uneasy, but for now he ignored it. "But I mean, especially since Ike skipped a grade, he's become the star of the family—and he's adopted, remember. One night when I was getting a cup of milk from the fridge to go with my cookies, I overheard mom saying something like how she wished her own son were as smart as Ike was…. It just puts a lot of pressure you know?—expectations, that sort of thing.

"But I guess you could say I have to try at school just to please her, and by Cartman being a douche it's not the easiest thing. Not to mention that Stan treats me like we're best friends for life—and though I guess you could say we are, he always has this precognitive belief that I can so easily put aside everything to be at his side to help him, which _includes_ the once-every-two-weeks when Wendy manages to break up with him yet again.

"Then Dad wants me to take up basketball so that I have some sort of extracurricular, but practices always conflict with time I could be doing homework. And then I don't have rides to and from school when there's practice, so I always have to wait for mom to get off work, and by then it's dinnertime, and afterwards mom insists in family time, and so I don't get sleep because I have to finish homework—"

"You can't seriously have that much homework," Kenny interrupted, shaking his head. "It's not even possible, Mrs. Garrison doesn't give us that much."

"Mom sends me to gifted school over the weekends."

"…they _have_ those kinds of schools?—but anyway, what I meant to say…. You really only have one reason for coming here, then: to de-stress from all the shit you've been trying to juggle."

"…yeah, I guess so."

"Ever thought about dropping one of them?—like basketball, for instance?"

"BUT THEN DAD'LL GET ANGRY WITH ME AND I'M GOING TO GET FAT LIKE MY MOM!"

Kenny couldn't help but to laugh at this. "Wow, that wasn't crude at all…."

"Sad thing is that my dad told me that."

"I… see." Kenny cleared his throat, trying to hide the laughter behind his voice. "How about dropping gifted school?"

"BUT THEN I'M GOING TO FALL BEHIND AND GET STUCK IN THE STUPID EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM AND I'LL NEVER GET TO GO TO YALE!"

"…I'm sure that's a little extreme, Ky."

"No really, mom says the educational system is corrupt and screwed, that they aren't teaching us what they're supposed to be teaching. Mom's tried to protest against it, but most of the time they just ignore her…. Man, I hate those days when she comes home with a loss."

"…I suppose anything else I suggest dropping won't really fly well with you, then."

"Not really," Kyle replied hopelessly. "This is the only solution I've got right now…."

"Just don't cause your own demise, Ky."

"I won't, don't worry." At that moment a loud buzzing sound interrupted the air between them, and with much reluctance Kyle reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone: Five thirty, it read, which meant they would need to be leaving.

"I wish I had a cell phone at your age."

"It's only because of those basketball practices that I have this," Kyle sighed, turning off the alarm and stuffing it back into his pocket. "I guess we should be leaving, then… but seriously, thanks for listening to me. I appreciate it."

"No problem… like I said, I won't bite."

"And you didn't, thankfully."

"Nope. But I'm surprised, aren't you going to ask me about why I come here?"

"Oh, that…. So then, why do you come here?"

"That's an easy answer," Kenny replied. "For the scenery."

"For the scene…?" Kyle echoed. "You fucking liar, that's not why you come here!" But Kenny merely shrugged and walking away, leaving Kyle feeling quite cheated out of their deal.


	3. When to Judge the Cover

**Fatalize  
**_Genis Aurion_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

**Part I:** _Abstractions_  
**Chapter 3:** _When to Judge the Cover_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Though the topic had surfaced in their conversations occasionally, it never really hit Kyle that Kenny was capable of dying in an instant until it actually happened.

It had been about two or three months since Kenny last died. He had told him once that he seemed to die less frequently the older he got. Whether that was a proven fact or merely Kenny's hypothesis, Kyle wasn't sure—but if there was one thing he did know, it was that Kenny was gone for longer periods at a time.

Kyle couldn't quite explain it, but Kenny's absence had quite the effect on him. Even Stan had noticed it one day at school, when he had commented on Kyle's sudden disinterest in some of the things they usually did with Kenny. It just wasn't the same without him, and though Stan hadn't quite made the connection, Kyle most certainly had.

It had had the most effect on him whenever Kyle went to the Green Tunnel. Once he had gone there leisurely, almost out of instinct—and he had even waited there for several minutes before realizing the boy he usually met up with there would not be coming; it was those instances that depressed him the most. And of course he had those moments where he actually went there for the sake of release, but it just felt strange when no one was there to question his anger.

What had Kenny done to him? Suddenly Kyle went from completely wanting nothing to do with Kenny to being completely affected with his absence. Kyle dismissed it as a longing of friendship—after all, isn't the feeling normal to _anyone_ who's spent too much time with one person whose presence he or she particularly enjoys? But the specifics didn't quite concern him; simply getting over the feeling of emptiness was enough of a task.

Kyle soon got into the habit of avoiding the Green Tunnel when he could. When week after week passed with no sign of Kenny, the thought alone depressed him more than it would help him. When things got too out of hand for him to handle, instead of running out of the house Kyle had resorted to locking himself up in his room. His mother was never able to get him out of there when this happened, and it usually rested upon Ike or Stan to convince him to unlock the door. But it wasn't that Kyle hated his mother, though his mom did start entertaining that thought within her conscience; rather, he just didn't think she'd understand.

Whenever Stan or Ike tried getting Kyle out of his seclusion from the world, there always seemed to be a rather empty conversation in accompaniment. It wasn't that neither of the two cared to talk to Kyle, let alone ask him what was troubling him—but Kyle simply wasn't willing to share. It was his natural instinct, after all, to not tell anyone; he hadn't told Kenny after all, or at least not right off the bat. Kyle would reason that Ike was capable of telling his parents, who would then likely recommend him for some psychiatric help or some professional assistance in time management—and quite frankly Kyle needed none of that (or so he thought). And as for Stan… well, even though they were best friends, it wasn't something Kyle wanted to trouble him with. Their friendship seemed to be built on common ground and interests, and Kyle's instinct told him that Stan wasn't one to want to hear such things.

_After all_, Kyle told himself, _Stan's got his own problems to deal with. He doesn't need mine._ And of course, whether dealing with a guy overloaded with too much stuff on his own will was really not as important as dealing with a self-efficient girlfriend who kept changing her mind on if she really needed a boyfriend to support her… Kyle tended to not think of that matter.

But if there was one thing that hadn't changed with Kenny's disappearance, it was that Kyle still somehow managed to get by. Even though the stress and the overwhelming feelings of failure refused to relent in their threatening to ruin Kyle's life, he still managed to get the grades he needed, he still managed to get all his homework done, he still managed to make every basketball practice… he even managed to snap back against Cartman's remarks at times. It was also these times that made Kyle feel better, because it proved that Kyle wasn't completely hopeless without Kenny's encouragement and that he'd survive even if Kenny didn't.

Or at least, that was his initial thought.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When Kyle picked up playing the piano and competing with the Academic Team, Kyle had had enough.

And so had Stan, apparently. After being asked to pull Kyle out of his room for the third time that week, Stan had decided it was about time he figured out what was going on. So instead of talking to Kyle through the door according to his normal approach, Stan kicked open the door—frightening Mrs. Broflovski off her feet—and dragged his friend out of the house and down the road.

"Let me go, Stan!"

"No fucking way, Kyle. There's some shit going on with you and it's about time you told someone."

"I _have_ told someone, Stan!"

"Bullshit." The two continued down the road, ignoring the odd and appraising looks the neighbors gave. Kyle Broflovski was of the two; by default, they wouldn't interfere.

"Where the hell are you taking me?"

"Stark's Pond, somewhere, I don't know. Where you'll talk to me, maybe." At first Kyle had merely grumbled, giving into defeat, but not even a moment later he changed his mind. Stark's Pond was the near the local park… which was near the Green Tunnel….

But thankfully Stan didn't notice the Tunnel, merely dragging Kyle past it as he headed straight for the lake. He only found himself let go when they reached its edge, where Kyle was dumped onto a bed of rocky terrain.

"Skip?" Stan offered, picking up a pebble from beneath them. Kyle sighed and nodded, finding his own to toss along the lake's surface. "So now that I've got your attention, tell me what's up."

"Like hell I know."

"Don't you, though?"

Kyle shrugged. "Everything, I guess."

"Tell me about it, I've got the time." Kyle stared at his friend disbelievingly. Did he really expect something out of all of this?—telling it all in one sitting would take forever! He could be doing his homework right now, practicing the piano… doing more homework….

When Kyle tried to hint at this inefficient usage of time, Stan had but one response: "As if locking yourself up in your room was being very efficient."

"Maybe I was getting my homework done while I was in there?"

"Unlikely. Now are you going to tell me or not?" Kyle sighed; this felt so much different. With Kenny it had almost been like a game—nonobligatory, at that. With Stan, well….

"You make it sound like I'm obligated, Stan."

"Well pretty much, right? I mean we're best friends, we tell each other everything."

"Correction. _You_ tell _me_ everything. I never agreed on a two-way deal here."

"…Kyle, why so harsh? I'm terribly hurt."—except somehow Kyle knew he wasn't. It almost sounded a little bit Kenny—but wait, why was he comparing people to Kenny, now? Though people tended to think about a lost friend when they vanished from his or her life, surely this was starting to become a little too much…?

…and maybe that's why Stan was here with him. Maybe all of this… grieving, perhaps… maybe it really was too much? But how else would he get over everything, there was no other way Kyle knew off… release through anger, through frustration….

Was Kenny causing him more grief than relief? Was he really better off without him?—no, or else he wouldn't have been whining in his room to begin with. But then… well… Kyle really didn't have a clue.

"I… just need a moment to myself," Kyle said at last, completely giving up on figuring out his life. "If that's all right with you."

"What do you think?" Stan replied, shrugging his shoulders. "Of course it isn't all right with me. But… I suppose I'll have to at least respect your wishes, right?"

"Thanks."

"No problem."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

There's a wondrous thing in life called perception. It alters the truth from its reality, ultimately making the world appear different than it actually is. Perception can be used to benefit either you or the people around you, and it most always comes hand in hand with deception.

Kenny would have argued that Kyle did not quite understand this concept. Every day he was locking himself up in his room, and every time he'd shrug Stan and Ike away as if they were being a bother. And sure, maybe they were, but he couldn't deny the fact that Kyle was kind of asking for it.

Kyle wanted alone time—why make a big scene out of it? Why act in a manner that calls for the exact opposite?

The next time Kenny saw the redhead would perhaps be when he'd tell his friend that sometimes deceiving friends works to benefit the individual. When someone perceives something they act upon that perception; if the perception requires no action, no action is taken. Therefore, if Kyle really wanted time to think or to reflect or to grieve, he should make sure to create a perception that makes others think he is perfectly fine.

…though, it did give new purpose in '_judging a book by its cover_.'

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Reluctantly, after some time, Kyle did end up returning to the Green Tunnel—but only because it at least guaranteed him privacy.

It was frustrating, really. He had never noticed it until now, but no one seemed to even care about Kenny's death. Granted, of course, that it just happened too frequently for anyone to care (not recently, Kyle noted, but still often enough to realize it was a habitual occurrence), but Kyle was sure that even with other people's deaths their absence would only be recognized for a short while?

…why?

Kyle tried asking Stan one time. It had been right after a game of one-on-one basketball. Kyle had originally asked Stan if he even remembered that Kenny was gone, and when his answered hadn't been "competent" enough, Kyle had continued.

"Why don't people ever remember people's absences when they die?"

"What'd you mean?"

"People only recognize someone's death shortly after the funeral, or when they go back and visit their grave. Why only then?—are we that heartless to just forget and move on with our own lives?"

"Kyle… that's rather… morbid of a thought, really."

"It's true, isn't it?"

"I… I dunno, is it?"

"How long did we grieve over Chef dying?"

"…"

"Isn't that my point? I only just realized it, no one seems to care when Kenny dies, no one grieves for him, and no one even acknowledges that he's gone."

"But Kenny dies all the time—"

"So _what_, Stan? Don't you see something wrong with that?"

"I… Kyle, this is… a little off of a subject for me. You're nine years old, Kyle. You shouldn't be worrying about stuff like that. You've only got so long as a kid, so live it to the fullest you can!"

"…and selfishly living life ignorant of others is living life to the fullest?"

"…can we talk about something else, Kyle?"

"…fine."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was thereafter that Kyle's thoughts shifted from plagues of time management to wondering about the degeneration of society. Even when he didn't manage to get something done, he'd somehow think about his disappointment in the world, and not getting something done would seem much more trivial. It was an excellent distraction to Kenny's disappearance.

The only downside, though, was that this triviality also caused Kyle to sometimes argue against getting everything done. For just as it worked positively, it also proved a good support to not do homework. _Not doing an assignment is nothing compared to what's out there,_ he'd say, and he'd move on to something else.

His visits to the Green Tunnel became empty and unproductive. He would find himself there, collapsed on the ground, and though he would try as earnestly as he could to think of why humans behaved the way they did when dealing with death, he always came up empty handed. It was such a… abstract thought; it was hard to think about where to start.

Maybe a psychologist would know where to start.

Maybe Kenny?

Life did suck without him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Kyle did not like the word "survival."

In its most literal definition, Kyle was surviving. He was waking up every morning, he was living life perfectly fine, he got by all right, and he had a decent place to go to in order to eat and sleep. He wasn't undergoing illnesses or disease, and though Kyle would argue that he was suffering trials, it was still "surviving."

Under this, Kyle was "surviving" without Kenny.

But the term was too broad and unexplained in usage. Of course, there were many technicalities in it, such as what "surviving" actually meant for a nine-year-old (especially when the perception of "nine-year-olds" differed even between Kyle and Stan) versus, say, a seventy-two year old. But the word "survival" is an absolute standard, simply defining the boundary between capabilities of living and… well, not living.

But it didn't necessarily state the condition of survival. Without Kenny, Kyle was surviving—but he wasn't surviving comfortably. Somehow his disappointment in the world's perception caused his faith in everyone to slowly decline…. He could no longer talk to anyone, even Stan, without having to abstain himself from the issues he actually wanted to talk about. It almost felt as if he was negotiating with his intelligence just so his views would match his age. And it seemed society liked it best that way.

Was this really "surviving," or…?

This only added to the list of things to ponder about within the Green Tunnel, sprawled across his back while gazing into the green above him. Surely with Kenny around to talk to him about it, he'd have some idea as to how to go about answering all these questions of his—but even Kyle remembered that there might be things Kenny would be unable to answer. They were simply nine year olds, after all, and even though they tried to seem like they knew a lot, ultimately their perspective was still very limited.

"Kenny, what do you think?" Kyle had recently practiced talking aloud to his absent friend, pretending as if he were really there. Perhaps it was for the release, or maybe Kyle thought he could at least take comfort in the "responses" he was given, but it somehow made it all feel less uneasy. "Does it mean anything to you when people dismiss your death as nothing more than commonplace? Does it not matter that people forget the dead? I know I've asked you all this before, but… I'm in need of an answer."

"So do you want me to answer?"

"If it didn't bother you too much, that'd be—hey!"—for it had only been then when Kyle realized the response had not been in his head, but rather from Kenny, in the whole, at his feet. Kenny flashed his friend a cheesy grin, perhaps to say "I'm back, where's the welcome party?"—but least expected Kyle to jump up and embrace him in an endearing hug.

"Didn't think you missed me _that_ much, Ky. And try to remember that it's Ken, not Kenny."

"Sorry… but yeah, what made you think that? It's pretty obvious when someone I spend a lot of time with goes missing."

"Oh, well if you put it that way…." Kenny gave a shrug, taking a seat on the grass as always. He motioned Kyle to do the same, and soon they were both looking at the green around them, just like old times. "So you wanted me to answer your questions?"

"Yeah, that'd be a start."

"You and your questions," Kenny said with a distinct smirk, and even though Kyle knew it was meant to be against him it still felt comforting…. "So what were they again?"

Kyle paused for a moment. "If you mind that people think you're dying is a regular occurrence."

Kenny shrugged. "Not really… it's the truth isn't it? I die too often—granted any number of times greater than the first time is too often—so naturally people will stop caring."

"That doesn't make you worried?"

"Not really."

"But if it were someone else… how about Chef, for instance?"

"What about him?"

"We only grieved over him for the funeral or so. I'm sure a week later and most people forgot about him. Isn't there anything wrong with that?"

"How do you know they've forgotten about him?" asked Kenny, and for some reason this managed to catch Kyle off guard. "You couldn't read their thoughts, could you? Just because they feel something doesn't mean they have to express those feelings for others to see."

"…I guess you're right."

"Sure, it might seem we forget people's deaths in the way we act, but that's just all the more evidence suggesting we still care about their death, right? The idea we still have to cope from these things means it's still in our consciousness."

"But isn't coping a way of forgetting?"

"No, it's a way of accepting."

"Oh." And with that, Kyle was at a loss of words. "Thanks for clarifying that for me… I guess. It kind of makes me feel better…."

"Sure, no problem. What was your other question?"

"You already answered it."

"Oh, all right." After that began a long silence, mostly reflective on Kyle's part. It was starting to dawn onto him, a sudden realization. First there was Stan, at a realization of the normal nine-year-old. Then there was himself, who seemed to at least recognize when things were out of place. Then there was Kenny, who seemed to randomly know a greater amount of things more….

…was there… was there something even greater than that?

"Why do you know these things, anyway?" Kyle asked after a while, the thought too great to simply shake off.

Kenny shrugged. "I go through a lot of things, I guess. It makes me curious, I ask around. Different perspectives. Something along those lines. Though I could ask the same of you, Ky: Why did you have these random questions to ask, anyway?"

For a moment Kyle considered telling Kenny his own grief over his friend's death—or absence, more accurately. For a moment Kyle considered telling him how much of an impact Kenny's absence had had over him, how it had made him miserable, how it had caused him to think about things he may not have ever thought about otherwise. For a moment….

But instead, he decided against it. "Just curious."

"Don't get too curious, Ky," Kenny replied, nudging his friend in the side. "Seems it may have taken the best of you this time."

"You could tell?"

"Something along those lines." And just for that moment, as the two watched the sun set somewhere beyond the greens of the Tunnel, Kyle let everything go: He felt free.

* * *

_Sorry for a late update, end of semester is hell. But, I did manage to write the 34 pages of essays in the one week span, so I feel accomplished. My GPA could have been better, 3.51, but I'll live. Anyway, I'm also changing this to a once a month basis; I simply can't produce these chapters fast enough, especially with break being so short. I hope you're enjoying this, at least. Cheers!_

_-G.A._


End file.
